Cheap Horo-sconez

Cheap Horo-sconez

Monthly Satirical Readings of the Zodiacs Vol. 1.
Graphic made by Yosi Neri

You have seemed a wee bit tired, a wee bit slower than usual … you’ve been running at Pee Pawa speed on a freeway with a dead end. You will slowly morph into a sloth and start walking on a dirt trail with a speed limit.
Do: Fuzzy slippers, Binge-worthy Shows, Raspberry Scones
Don’t: Hard labor, Class discussions, Perfectionism

 

 

 

 

Graphic made by Yosi Neri

Ecstatic and restless jumpin’ off buildings and cliffs, while landing the Spiderman pose every time. With great power, comes a great deal of unhinged enemies. Expect your gremlins to nibble at your ankles, but give your feet a little shake and it will all be fine.
Do: Parkour, Swings, Spinach and CHeese Scones
Don’t: Puzzles, Existentialism, Dwell

 

 

 

 

Graphic made by Yosi Neri

HALT! You’ve been cursed with twitchy itchy hands. The only way you can break the curse is by throwing your hands in the air like you just don’t care, screaming “I SPEAK FOR THE TREES” very loudly in front of your favorite tree. They’ll give you a little tree branch wave.
Do: Bird Calling, Animal Drawings, Blackberry Scones
DOn’t: Loiter, Mindless Scrolling, Unfiction

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Graphic made by Yosi Neri

There’s something twinkling. Could it be? Oh yes! You’ve been blessed with salutations from your local starfish up in the sky. You will feel your swagger come up to the surface and burst through your sublime catwalk when you give thanks to the starfish.Do: Jazz Hands, Colorful Pens, Blueberry Scones
Don’t: Chess, Rigid People, Sores

 

 

 

 

Graphic made by Yosi Neri

I sense pep will make its way to your steps, and over the week you’ll levitate whenever you smell something tasty, floating through the air while doing flips. Be careful not to get tangled in the clouds or else you’ll get Zapped by Zues.
Do: Nature Walks, Pensivity , Lemon Scones
Don’t: Melancholy, Daydreaming, Careless Comments

 

 

 

 

Graphic made by Yosi Neri

Realize that life’s too full of evil forces and too short of garlic bread to think about how many people have stepped on your shoelaces. You are a master shoe tier in a world of tangled faces and laces. In fact, you’ll be unstoppable if you wear lace less shoes! Imagine that!
Do: Zen Gardens, Shawls, Strawberry Scones
Don’t: Provoke, White Lies, Baseball Bats

 

 

 

 

 

Graphic made by Yosi Neri

You will find yourself on a balance beam between a feral raccoon foaming at the mouth with your precious trash on the other end of the beam. Don’t let him have it! Grab your precious thingamabob and protect it with your life. Don’t let that raccoon consume your plastic spork .
Do: Collectibles, Bracelets, Banana Scones
Don’t: Overindulge, Half bake, Yodeling

 

 

 

 

 

Graphic made by Yosi Neri

You are playing a game of tug of War with the universe, tightening your grip until your defeat. Sure, the scabs on your hands are still there, but just pick at them and you’ll find satisfaction in doing so. while you’re at it get yourself some silly lil’ cartoon band-aids.
Do: Spearmint GUm, Tridents, Double Fudge Scones
Don’t: Duct Tape, Withhold Info, Sandpaper

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Graphic made by Yosi Neri

You will find an iridescent, ultra rare butterfly who will lend you his beard that is strong enough to lift away the boulders in your path. Just be sure to wash, trim, and pamper the beard for when you give it back to the butterfly … unless you want to steal it …
Do: Nectarines, Honey Scented Candles, Cheddar Cheese Scones
Don’t: Swim, Freezers, Irresponsibility

 

 

 

 

 

Graphic made by Yosi Neri

Down in the depths of your critter filled basement you call a brain, there’s something … or someone begging to be let out into the world and feel the warmth of the sun for the first time in months. One whiff of that basement and … yeah. It’s time for a deep clean. Stinky.
Do: Homemade Perfume, Compost, Vanilla Scones
Don’t: Procrastinate, Week Old Socks, Smelly Cheeses

 

 

 

 

 

 

Graphic made by Yosi Neri

You’ve ripped about half of the hairs on your head because you’ve been driven craZy by the bellowing frog snoring in your ear. She’ll leave soon enough just make sure to feed her their daily cup of joe or just rattle your head a little bit.
Do: Mud Pies, Dreamcatchers, Honey Scones
Don’t: Detachment, Durning Hot Peppers, Rush

 

 

 

 

Graphic made by Yosi Neri

AGHHHHHH! No one seems to comprehend the magnitude of your genius! A mad scientist in a world of boring specimens that wield no results. Find yourself a variety of spices for whom you can perform your social experiments on.

Do: Impulsivity, Bold Colored Pens, Cinnamon Scones
Don’t: Unseasoned Chicken, Restlessness, Apathy

 

 

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